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The Washington Monument
A very tall and appropriate structure erected for America's first George: George Washington. What Is The Washington Monument? Sages, Philosophers and Scientists have pondered this question for centuries with no satisfactory answer. The substance of the Washington Monument is hard, I mean REALLY hard, and impervious to even the strongest tools. Therefore, a sample has never been taken for study, and all data gathered has been purely empirical. Some of the common theories about it are; * It's the tomb of an ancient Egyptian Pharoah * It represents the eternal struggle of the Greatest President * It's an antenna for talking to Xenu * Some also theorize that it's the pillar of salt that Lot's wife turned into. In fact, the truthyness of the situation is much much simpler. The Washington Monument is a scale model of Stephen Colbert's penis at the time of his birth. Obviously it is not descriptive of his massive man-meat's current girth and length, but rather of it's size when he was an itty bitty baby. You'll also notice that the Monument is white, reinforcing the truthyness of God Blessing America. How Was The Washington Monument Created? When a man and a woman love each other very much, and get married, and have non-pleasureable sex for the purpose of reproduction in the missionary position ONLY.... Where Is The Washington Monument Located? The Washington Monument is actually at the center of the Greatest Nation on Earth. That being America of course. Interestingly, since America is at the very geographical center of the pancake called "Earth" and the Earth is at the center of the Solar System, and the universe revolves entirely around it...The Washington Monument is...among other things...the marker for the exact center of all reality. General: * There is a Martha Washington Monument as well; it's a 550 foot hole in the ground. * The Washington Monument is so big it has its own Monument, and even its Monument is bigger than your Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big that when it comes clowns come out of the end of it. * Nasa sent a shuttle up to find the end of The Washington Monument. * Fisting was invented to satisfy all the women ravaged by The Washington Monument. * When The Washington Monument gets hard the natives think there’s an eclipse. * The Washington Monument came once and the Grand Canyon was the result. * Continental Drift is caused by The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument isn’t afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of it. * The Washington Monument is so big when its erect Stephen passes out from blood loss to his brain. * The Washington Monument is so big Stephen has to have his pants specially tailored with a third leg. Cultural/Political: * The Washington Monument is so big it’s in the White House right now. * The Washington Monument is so big it only plays one show a night. * The Washington Monument is bigger than Oprah. * The Washington Monument is so big it gets interviewed by Wolf Blitzer & Larry King. * Once, The Washington Monument was accused of killing its wife, but the jury found it innocent. * The Washington Monument staged a political coup and formed the Democratic Republic of The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big even Al’Queda can’t terrorize it. * If The Washington Monument had been in New York on 9/11 there’d still be a tower standing. * The Washington Monument is bigger than China’s economic growth. * The Washington Monument is so big it’s motorcade will stop traffic for hours. Religious: * At Christmas time we just put a star on the tip of The Washington Monument. * When The Washington Monument was circumcised they were able to finish the Silverdome. * Second cumming of Christ?...The Washington Monument. * Last Temptation of Christ?...The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big it's Old Testament. * The Washington Monument is so big the last time Stephen pissed The Great Flood was the result. Keep The Washington Monument away from the coffee. * On Hanukkah Jews light the Manora because they can’t reach the end of The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big it wrote Dianetics. * The Washington Monument is so big it’s the reason Hari-Krishnas pass out brochures in airports. * The Mormons don’t know it, but Utah is no where near as big as The Washington Monument. Sports: * Barry Bonds wishes he had Stephen's Monument. * Bo Knows...The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is bigger than the Olympics. * The Washington Monument is so big that extreme sports enthusiasts snowboard down it in wintertime. * The Washington Monument is so big it has contracts with Nike and Reebok. * The Washington Monument is so big they could only fit its picture on the “Family Size” wheaties box. * The Washington Monument is so big it bats 750. * The Washington Monument is so big it plays both sides of the Army Navy game. * The Washington Monument was flipped off by John McEnroe once. * The Washington Monument is so big it’s a first round draft pick. Tourism: * The Washington Monument is so big the Japanese come here to take pictures of it. Unfortunately no camera has been invented with a wide enough angle lens to capture its complete image yet. * The Washington Monument is so big it has its own “Mystery Spot” * Mount Rushmore is actually carved into the side of The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big they made a replica called “The Washington Monument” in D.C. * The Washington Monument is so big that explorers climb it to plant flags at the top. * The Washington Monument is so big you can spend all day and not see all of it. * The Washington Monument is so big it has a mascot. * The Washington Monument is so big it has the largest roller coaster in the world on the side of it. * The Washington Monument is so big it costs $45 a person to just get into the park and see it. * The Washington Monument is so big Carnival Cruise has a vacation package to it. Environmental: * The Washington Monument is so big it caused Global Warming * Hole in the ozone layer?...The Washington Monument. * 65 million years ago Dinosaurs ruled the earth then The Washington Monument crashed into the planet, wiping them out. * The Washington Monument is so big it destroyed New Orleans. * The Washington Monument is so big it’s classified as “Force 6”. * The Washington Monument is so big it fell out of Stephen's pants in California and caused the San Andreas Fault. * Mt. St. Helens didn’t erupt, that was The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big it accidentally causes deforestation of the Amazon. * The Washington Monument is so big Congress had to regulate it. * The Washington Monument is so big it melts polar ice caps. Horror: * Freddy Krueger has nightmares about The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big it can destroy Tokyo. * The Washington Monument has acid for blood and will burst out of your chest. * The Washington Monument only kills individuals who’re armed. * They once put a hockey mask on The Washington Monument. Crystal Lake was never the same again. * The Washington Monument makes DAMN sure it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again! * The Washington Monument is so big it fucked The Ring. * The Washington Monument sure as hell knows what you did last summer. * The Washington Monument is so big it has its own line of action figures, and a comic book. * The Washington Monument always gets at least an “R” rating. Sci-Fi: * Fuck The Force, use The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument boldly goes where no one has gone before. * That’s no moon, that’s The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big that The Stargate is just another cock-ring * The Washington Monument is so big it was used as the model for the space station on Babylon 5. * The Washington Monument is so big it actually HAS a career AFTER it’s show gets canceled on Fox. * The Washington Monument...A.K.A. “Dick the Buffy slayer.” * The Washington Monument is so big E.T. just thought he went home! * The Washington Monument is so big you can’t have anything BUT a close encounter with it. * The Washington Monument is so big it’s full of stars. The Internet: * The Washington Monument is so big it has three Myspace pages. * The Washington Monument invented Al Gore. * The Washington Monument doesn’t get viruses. * The Washington Monument is so big it can’t help but be spyware. * The Washington Monument is so big it causes latency. * Ever hear of a spike in the line?...The Washington Monument. * The Washington Monument is so big that no surge protector can stop it. * The Washington Monument is so big it IS all the porn on the internet. * The Washington Monument is so big they needed PCI express. * The Washington Monument is so big it has an E-Games tournament hosted in it. Miscellaneous: * The Washington Monument is so big even Chuck Norris is afraid of it. * The Washington Monument is bigger than Bill O'Rielley. * The Washington Monument is so big it eclipses Tom Cruises ego. * The Washington Monument is actually Stephen's Penis. * The Washington Monument is so big it ALWAYS gets a fixed rate mortgage * If The Washington Monument were a car it would be “fully loaded”. * The Washington Monument is so big it’s "hard" to finance. * The Washington Monument is so big the EPA classifies it as “Full Size”. * The Washington Monument is so big it makes Ted Stevens look small. * The Washington Monument is so big it’s inside each and every one of us...right now. * The Washington Monument a.k.a. Stephen's Penis